Choices are something that everyone goes through Choices are something that everyone goes through. What will your job be? Who will you spend your life with? Do you wait for your mom to book your doctor’s appointment or do you die? I naturally make terrible choices. Clearly, which is why the harem genre is typically really easy.
Man, I wonder who’s going to win the love game. Is it the girl that was introduced first and spends all her screen time with him? Or my original character, Squiggles? This is where Quintessential Quintuplets stands out from other harem anime because you never really knew who was going to win unless you have the internet. So, let’s take a look at the anime. But don’t worry, I won’t spoil who won.
But first this video is sponsored by Honkai Star Rail and Crunchyroll
But first, this video is sponsored by Honkai: Star Rail and Crunchyroll. Didn’t see that coming. Your go-to anime watching platform and your go-to daily exercise are teaming up in a crossover event that is here to give you lots of free stuff. Snap may be down, but you can always rely on Honkai for free benefits. To reap your rewards, all you have to do is link your account by opening the Crunchyroll app, click link account, then push the start mission button. It’s as easy as ABC, unless you’re dyslexic. Complete missions to gain lots of stellar jade credits, and even a 14-day free trial for Crunchyroll Mega Fan.
And every phase brings new missions. Whether that be watching Hoyoverse’s Chimeira Park, checking out the latest PBS, or watching Sirin’s trailer. Speaking of Sirin, she’s the newest character in the star of the event. Looking like she’s straight out of a top-tier anime. Ice cold on the surface, but within her story is a lot of depth that you can experience firsthand in Honkai: Star Rail’s new 3.7 version. And if you’re worried about pulling for her, that sounds like a you problem.
She was promised to me 4,000 years ago. You can fight alongside her in this anime-style space adventure turn-based RPG. It’s like watching an anime, but you’re in the anime. Not really, though. You’re still in the same chair watching, but you get the analogy. So, click the link in the description to jump directly to the app store to download it. And you can also click the event links to join this collaboration and get multiple rewards on both Honkai: Star Rail and Crunchyroll. Thank you to Honkai: Star Rail for sponsoring this video. Now, back to the video.
It begins where all marriages begin
It begins where all marriages begin. In a dimly lit bathroom with a hangover and pregnancy test in hand. I mean at a wedding. Yay. Hey man, it’s your big day. It sure is. You ready to see the girl of your dreams? It’s me. It’s going to be me, isn’t it? Starting with a wedding establishes that by the end of the anime, there will be a victor, which is good because a participation award ending is the worst way for a harem anime to end. This is Futaro, the protagonist of this story. He likes studying, is extremely cheap. Any other Asian stereotypes I missed? Whoa, whoa, Futaro, keep your pants on. But I suppose this is still more personality than all other harem protagonists. Call him Harem Plus.
One day a girl sitting at his table
One day, a girl sitting at his table sees that he got a perfect score on a test and asks him to be her tutor. He of course rejects her. After all, that would cut into his cutting out coupons from newspapers time. After this, he gets a call from his sister saying that he has been hired as a tutor for five times the normal rate. But who could he be tutoring? Let me introduce you to each of the girls. Not that you haven’t seen them 10 million times as people’s profile pictures, which is kind of like being a sports fan for a losing team, but instead of screaming at the other team, they scream at a screen. Each of their names are based on the order at which they exited the womb.
Ichika 1, Nino 2, Miku 3, Yotsuba 4, and Itsuki 5. But everyone looked at me funny when I wanted to name my kids Uno Dos Tres. Ichika is the oldest sister by milliseconds. She wants to be an actress. Basically, the YouTuber of the previous generation. You even had to pretend to have morals to be successful. Her whole thing is, can I be selfish just this once? which even leads her to stabbing her sisters in the back to be with a guy, which begs the question, does this make her more or less attractive? Nino is the closest thing to a tsundere who enjoys cooking and roofie-ing men on the weekends, which begs the question, does this make her more or less attractive?
This is odd because she’s specifically talking about the person in this picture. Maybe she’s hoping this is an old photo and he grew up. But if I keep a picture of a baby with Huggies diapers on and say, “Isn’t she the cutest?” You better hope I’m a father. Miku is the one who always wears headphones in high school, which isn’t a good sign because the only people who did that were people who swore that Logic was the best rapper alive and strangely enough always looked like Vector.
But if you take away her headphones, she’s naked. Weird how she’s less attractive without headphones. Am I attracted to the headphones? Am I headphones-sexual? And where are her headphones? She can’t hear without her headphones. She’s the silent reserved type with low self-confidence who loves history. That’s right, a Republican. Yotsuba is the happy airhead that can never turn anyone down if they need help. I’d hate to see her as an HR representative.
Yotsuba, it would help me out if he would just drop that case that Cheryl made again. She’s so uptight. Can’t even compliment a girl nowadays, I guess. Thanks, sugar tits. But forget that. Look at her talent of slipping into her shoes. Even Cinderella had to lubricate her feet for the slipper to fit. This is ironic because um I had the wrong sister. Maybe they do look alike after all. Itsuki. The only thing I wrote down for her is that her only trait is food.
You know, a normal person, which is great, but when you compare her to the others, she sticks out like a sore thumb. Imagine a group of superheroes. You have Superman, Harley Quinn, and mechanical pencil man. Quickly extend. And finally, the last member of the quintuplet, Jared Leto. How does he keep getting hired? But they all have one thing in common. IQ. Despite being rich, they were transferred to public school after nearly failing their private school. Clearly, they weren’t rich enough to pay off the teachers.
This is where we run into the core problem of the anime
This is where we run into the core problem of the anime. How did this guy get hired as a tutor? It may say family connections, but unless the hiring process was like that of America’s Got Talent of winning through pity points, I don’t think he would have gotten the job. What possible reason could a wealthy man have to not hire a professional tutor, instead opting for some dude in their same grade? I don’t care if he’s at the top of the class.
My mom is one of the smartest people I know. Her teaching consisted of saying why you don’t understand which is weird because she doesn’t have an Asian accent. The second problem is that the quintuplets will do anything but study which is an issue because how can you clothe someone who refuses to wear clothes? Oh wait, it’s Germany. My bad. The answer is clearly to gaslight the six girls into loving studying by making them love Futaro. I never thought I’d see a day where a man would sleep his way to the top of the company. Dreams can come true.
Although I hope Khan Academy never implements these strategies. Not to mention, Futaro may be the worst tutor ever. They study for a total of three episodes per year, and most of it consists of cramming in information at the last minute. When are they going to study? You know, I don’t mean to be the Asian guy in the room, but when does the studying start? Sometimes he just gives them a study guide while he goes to deal with a woman’s emotions.
But that’s negating the hard work that he puts into every single study guide because not only does he write them by hand, but he hand-designs each of them for every single quintuplet. Wow. Chad GPT, make me a full study guide, please. This bum gives all tutors a bad name. Tutoring used to stand for something. Truth grades. The academic way. What a joke. I worked my ass off to get where I am and you take these shortcuts and you think suddenly you’re my peer.
Uh, this is my reimagining of him talking to their father after the big test. Did my daughters pass their finals? Well, no. But I taught them to love themselves. I showed them that they are more than just sisters. They are their own individuals with morals. You’re fired. Yeah. No, I figured that was coming. This isn’t a real complaint, though. It’s just funny because watching them study would be the equivalent of just sitting around watching LoL Girl.
Why The Quintessential Quintuplets Is A Great Series
I like the songs though. I’m glad they’re not studying anymore. I take it back. I don’t care about seeing them study ever again in my life. This is why they spend most of their time at the classic romance trope locations. You know, the firework festival, school fair, skiing. But like all stereotypes, they exist for a reason. Because why would I want to watch them in their own rooms scrolling TikTok for hours to fall asleep alone? When I watch romance anime, I’m not watching for realism. Unfortunately, I am watching to see them have a scary prank right next to a cliff with a Looney Tunes sign saying, “Don’t go that way.” to set up romantic scenes.
The main story trope that will be recurring in every single arc is the “which sister is witch.” At first glance, they look nothing alike. That one is clearly wearing headphones. Is everyone in this universe colorblind? Yes. Canonically, they all have the same hair color, but the anime did this so that you could tell them apart. Smartest character in the anime. They also have the exact same face and body type somehow, even though one of them ran track and one ran like this.
You know, everyone applauds these character designs, but when Oda does it for the 50th time, everyone has a problem. Which brings us to the question on everyone’s mind. Is the protagonist more shallow for struggling to pick one of these girls? Because if they all look the same, all that’s left now is their test scores and personality. So, where is the struggle? But that’s not fair to him because after all, he’s still looking for that special girl that he met in elementary school. You just uh keep that picture on you at all times. Yeah. I hope I run into her one day. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. I guess manifestation or something.
Oh, not not in a creepy way. No, it’s all good, man. No, no, man. I I didn’t mean it like that. Who needs enemies when you got sisters like these? I watched season 1 when I was younger, and it’s crazy to see how much a man’s taste changes after dating once. I have now come full circle to thinking all best girl takes are correct unless it’s Nico. That they made a girl for everyone. For example, I like happy-go-lucky and you may like domestic abuse. But at the end of the day, there was still one winner, which I can’t help but feel like this would lead to the most uncomfortable family reunions.
In the OVA, they all went on their honeymoon, really rubbing salt on the wound. And the whole time the losers were not allowed to interact with Futaro alone, which good. To demonstrate, let’s do a practice girlfriend question. Remember, there are no right answers. She says, “Do you find my sisters attractive?” If you say yes, why do you want to sleep with her sisters? If you say no, why don’t you love her? They have the same everything.
I believe this is what they call the illusion of choice. This is a man’s show. So, the animation is where it should be. They took all of the budget from eating scenes and stuck it into feet scenes. Specifically in season 1, they really liked feet. When the stockholders said they expected profit with every step, I think this is what they meant. Season 1 did have one big problem. Whenever they zoomed out and there was more than one person in frame, it would look like uh what anime are people making fun of for animation right now? Like One Punch Man. Season 2 was animated by a different studio, which is why Futaro goes from a protester to Masaru. The animation is not bad at all, but I’m still going to show my favorite bad animation moments.
He somehow runs into her boobs, which are somehow eye level. Here, he has little baby arms. Miku got shorter in between two frames. Stop. Stop. Enhance. Enhance on this. This is very important. But if you look directly beneath me, you will notice a line, a single line cut down the middle. And do you want to know why that is? A green screen.
That is a green-screened smoke put in there. Pathetic. They call it animation. I call it crap. The characters all progress throughout the story in a noticeable way, which was cool because when you start, you couldn’t really tell them apart. But after two seasons, all right, it’s not Miku. It’s not Miko, whatever her name is. I can’t think of her name.
Uh, she has headphones on her feet. It’s not uh the one with that paints her nails, whatever her name is. Nino. Now, this is this is tough. To save face, Lunar Equinox pretended to not know whose feet those were. I don’t think there’ll ever be another Quintessential Quintuplets, except the copies. Also, for anti-spoiling purposes, spam any girl and say she won in the comments. In conclusion, if they were in that much debt, make your sister sell her hair to cancer patients. Or maybe just lease it to them. I know those feet. Make them zero out of 10. Why did the author not just make him a quintuplet as well?
